It has been a couple of months since I started sharing my blog with the world and the response has been overwhelming and humbling. From the "likes" on Facebook to the actual correspondence on the website, I have appreciated and been humbled by the impact it is having across a wide range of family, friends and strangers alike. I count myself blessed.
The last correspondence came from someone I have not heard from in over 30 years. I smiled upon recognizing the name and began to read with a grin on my face, until they shared the debilitating disease they have been dealing with the past 20 years, not fatal, but causing paralyzing pain and un-curable. It hurt my heart to feel for my friend. But the email finished with words of encouragement and love, joy and faith. I had tears in my eyes as I read it a second time.
That same morning I went to hot yoga, which ends up being a form of meditation for 75 minutes as well as sweating out the chemotherapy toxins running through my system. Angela, our instructor talked us into a posture that was more than challenging for me; and she offered to the class "if you want a little more…" and continued to suggest how to move into a more advanced pose. I chuckled. I was already as advanced as this body was going to get.
But that phrase "if you want a little more…" haunted me the rest of class, and the rest of the day.
I have stage 4 leukemia, no cure, and currently in remission. I don’t want any more. Neither does my wife.
But, we have a friend who has inoperable brain tumor, glioblastoma and she has 2 children age 5 and 1. My father died from brain cancer in 2008, and Kate’s dad died from this same type of brain cancer in 2012. It’s is not pretty. We have another friend that is being treated for glioblastoma at Duke Medical Center that brings his wife and 6 year old daughter to stay at our house while he has treatments. A former business partner of mine died 6 months ago from pancreatic cancer. He was in his 50’s. My wife has asked "why are we seeing so much cancer?" I have no answer.
Last week, a ministry colleague of mine celebrated the birth of his granddaughter. Six days later I received an email that the Lord had called the little girl back to heaven. My head just dropped in prayer for their family.
Three weeks ago I saw on Facebook that a friend’s 11 year old son was identified for a heart transplant on a Wednesday. I replied with my loving "amen and AMEN”. The next message I saw conveyed that the surgery had gone well and the heart was pumping. Hooray.
The next message was unthinkable. The boy didn’t survive the night. I could hardly move from grief. My wife couldn’t stop crying.
So that morning in yoga when I heard "if you want a little more…" I cringed as I applied the thought to my life, not just the yoga pose.
And all I could do was pray;
"Lord, thanks for all you have already given me and may I handle it in a way that makes you proud and exposes your love and glory."
Truth is I don’t want a little more. But so many people have a little more, a lot more. And I pray for them, for their strength and for HIS peace to come into their heart and lives.
It seems to me that no matter how bad we think we have it, if we want perspective, if we “want a little more," just look around, visit a hospital, read the paper, listen to friends. Life is hard. It’s not usually fair. And Love is the most important thing. Perhaps if the question was "do you want a little more love?" then I would say yes. Yes, yes and yes again.
Perhaps that is actually our job in this life, to bring a little more love to everyone we encounter. Because we never really know what they are facing in their lives.
So that is what I will try and do more of today, and every day I have left, share and spread a little more love.
Amen and AMEN.