At the beginning of the year I had the privilege of taking my son Shawn to see the Super Bowl pitting his hometown Panthers against my old team the Denver Broncos. We had a memorable time, with my Broncos pulling out a hard fought victory! That same weekend, my wife Kate took our tribe (Leo, Ella and Jordan, ages 6, 6, and 4 ½) to spend the weekend with their big sister Sarah at her home in Charlotte, NC. Le-La and Jay, as I like to call them, had a wonderful time at Sar-Bears home. When they got back, as we were having family dinner the kiddos recounted their trip and I told stories of the Super Bowl and showed videos of the half time show of Beyoncé and Cold Play. Afterwards, the kids cleared the table and got ready for bath. I put the dishes in the dishwasher, added dishwashing detergent and went to shut the appliance, but it wouldn’t close properly. “Uh oh” I thought.
Kate saw me struggling and trying to jam it shut, and she hustled over to assist and offered "don’t break it! Slamming it closed isn’t the answer." I knew she was right so I stepped away. Having been away for a long weekend, I really wanted to help and take some of the work load off of her plate and give her a break she deserved; because managing the little littles can be overwhelming for 5 straight days. So I got a flashlight and tried to assist her as she noodled inside the dishwasher to figure out what might be jamming the door. After taking out both trays of dishes and still not being able to close the door, we were frustrated. So I grabbed the door and tried to strong arm it back into place by lifting it up to maybe jimmy it back into place. WRONG. I further jacked it up, out of alignment, and Kate admonished me as she sat on the floor with her hands on her forehead as if she had a migraine. (Which she might have!)
Our daughter Ella innocently strolled up to see us on the floor by the dishwasher, (a posture our family and our marriage had never assumed before), and so I imagine she was curious. “What's going on Daddy?" she inquired, to which Kate replied, "We are trying to fix the dishwasher because it won't close. But Mommy and Daddy aren’t the best at fixing things." To which Ella replied, "That’s true. I wish Papa (Ella’s grandfather & Kate's dad) were here. He could fix anything." Kate said, "He sure could."
Well, truth of the matter is that Papa, before he passed from a brain tumor 3 years ago, had been the senior VP of global nuclear engineering for Westinghouse/Toshiba. So, a dishwasher would have been like doing a crossword puzzle for him. But for me, it was out of my area of expertise, as is most of all home repair or improvement projects.
I asked myself if I should get upset or get defensive, but in a flash I realized nobody was criticizing me. I didn’t need to be defensive about Papa's skill set, or my lack there of. After all, Papa never taught his daughters or granddaughters how to throw a football like I could. So in my mind, we were even!
I went to bed that night comfortable in my own skin and in my children’s impression of my skills and in their Papa's skills, as well as the same impression with my wife. Early in our marriage, I remembered having a similar issue with one of our cars, and Kate said "Why cant you fix it like my dad?" and I blurted back "Why cant you stock our pantry like my mom?" and she smiled at me and said "touché." So we never held each other to the standard of what our parents could or couldn’t do, rather we love each other for who we are. The good, the bad and the ugly. Fortunately, on most days, the good far outweighs all the others. That’s why I love her and my family so much.
The handyman arrived the next morning as I was pulling out of the driveway taking the kiddos to school. He was gone by the time I walked back into the house and the dishwasher was running smoothly. I kissed Kate and said "I love you." She smiled and said "I love you too, my NOT Mr. fix-it husband!"
I smiled, bit my tongue, hugged her as I heard the hum of the dishwasher in the background and realized, all was well and back as it should be in our home!
Amen and AMEN