All his life my dad loved to play golf. He was never really that good, but he loved the game and its fellowship. When I was 10 years old, my dad took me to the Neshaminy Valley public course, rented me clubs and we set out to play 18 holes. As we approached my ball 100 yards from the green on hole #7, I asked my dad what club I should hit, and he gave me a 3 wood. Normally this club would hit much farther than 100 yards, but I hadn’t struck the ball correctly all day and Dad wanted me to hit the green from the fairway. I gripped the 3 wood and smacked it toward the flag. I hit it so well that the ball flew 150 yards and well over the green. It was actually a terrific shot, just not for that close to the green. But instead of celebrating the great distance I hit the ball, I threw the club and yelled at my dad "you gave me the wrong club on purpose!"
My dad didn’t really react and I eventually chipped the ball onto the green and got to use my putter. Dad stood by the hole holding the flag and he said "its going to break a lot so play it about here" as he pointed to a spot on the green. I lined up and hit the ball where he had told me, but I hit it way too hard and the ball zoomed past the hole. As I watched the ball roll off the green, I slammed my putter into the green and yelled "you did it again, you purposely told me the wrong thing."
Well, between the divot I had put in the green and my attitude, that was all dad could handle. "That’s it, Scott! Take your clubs and go sit in the car. You are done until you can handle yourself better on the golf course." And so I stormed off the green and sat in the car pouting. My dad played hole #8 and #9 by himself and at the turn, he came to the car and offered me a hot dog and a drink and asked me if I was ready to play the back nine with him. I said I was and so we walked to the 10th tee and finished the round that day.
Truth is, that was actually pretty good fathering by my dad that day and also was probably the last time I played golf with my dad until I was a junior in high school and took up the game more seriously. I don’t think I was emotionally mature enough to play a game that required as much mental discipline and toughness as golf. So I concentrated on basketball and football, where I could express myself physically more.
But golf has always intrigued me because the joy of hitting a pure golf shot is a feeling like no other and it brings you back to pursuing it over and over. And so, I have spent the rest of my life, from age 15 to age 54 playing golf and flirting with being pretty good. In my best summers, I had my golf handicap down to a 3, which means I was supposed to, on average, shoot a score of 75, or three over par. I wasn’t ever really that good, not when compared to really good players, but I was recreationally good.
The last three years have been a bit of a golf hiatus due to this darn leukemia that makes 18 holes sometimes impossible to complete and practice just as challenging. But given some new regiments with palliative care, I have found that recently I can play 9 holes if I ride a golf cart. In addition, I have also always been a sucker for every email and YouTube video suggesting the next big golf breakthrough or shortcut to help my game. Those ads still get me every time and I have a closet full of the last 25 years of golf gimmicks like no other.
So, this summer, I am taking lessons with video. I no longer want to be pretty good at doing it the wrong way. As I have learned as a former pro football player, "the film doesn’t lie" and although its painful for me to watch and compare my swing on video with todays best professional players, it’s what I want as I try to get better.
But why do I share it with you?
I realize not many (if any!) people care about MY golf game, but my point actually isn’t about golf. I have looked at my life using the same lens of no longer wanting to ‘be good at doing it wrong.’ Where else can that apply? Fatherhood? Marriage? As a son, or brother, or friend? As a mentor or coach or advisor?
Suddenly, this paradigm is a bit more serious. The reality is I want to be good in all those areas at doing it the right way; the way I can be proud of; the way that brings the most joy to those I love and to my friends and family. God shows us the right way, and He teaches us the right way, but like my golf game, in some areas of my life, I have gotten good at doing it basically wrong. So, more important than my golf handicap, I want to fix those areas of my life.
Maybe we can all take a look at our lives and see where we can be better, not for ourselves, but for those we love.
Amen and AMEN