Last week I had the privilege of being one of the speakers on the Guide Team at The Heart of a Warrior Encounter in the mountains near Lexington, Virginia. This men’s retreat weekend is the flagship event of Zoweh Ministries, the ministry initiative to men and for men, started by author and close friend Michael Thompson. He likes to say that the weekend is designed to ‘rescue the hearts of men, one boy at a time.’ And that is what happens every spring as men assemble and bring with them that boy of years ago that is often forgotten, mistreated, or wounded along the masculine journey.
We guided 300 men through 11 sessions exploring scriptures, quotes from important authors, and stories presented through film clips, all to share the truth of biblical realities overlaid with the significance of our own personal experiences. The weekend is intentionally and thoughtfully designed to take men deeper into the Heart of God through helping them explore their own masculine journeys in an environment that is altogether free, life-giving, deep, and intense.
In my opening remarks, I declared the entire facility, every bunk, every pillow, every chair, and field safe because it had been touched and prayed over weeks in advance by members of the intercessory team as well as the day of arrival. I came to learn that many men greatly appreciated this labor of love. I also learned many of the incredibly difficult and weighty stories that each of the men told from their journeys. What they really needed was a space to be loved, and heard; a safe place to unpack their hearts.
As I had the chance to share some of my life story, I mentioned that it had been 3 years, 8 months and 7 days since I was diagnosed with stage 4 leukemia, CLL-17P, cancer in my bone marrow. I am on my 4th variation of chemotherapy that started in January and 2017 has been a struggle for energy and a battle against fatigue most days as a result of both the disease and the treatment. I was quick to point out that I had already beat the odds, as I read medical material giving a 2-3 year mortality rate that moment I first got sick. Praise the Lord, I’m still here.
I spoke to the group on 5 different occasions, some of which were prepared talks and others that were more of the ‘responder’ role to another one of the guides' talks. It took a lot out of me, so I rested each day from noon until 4:30, using my free time to recharge for the evening sessions. When I was on stage, I brought all the juice I had every time to hit a 5th gear, which is really the only gear I know how to use, and I left nothing in the tank. When the men stood to their feet after I finished one of my contributions to the weekend, tears of happiness and honor filled my eyes. My heart was so full though I was so emptied.
I shared things with the men throughout the weekend that I hope they could take back to their families, children, and wives. They were offerings such as,
When you have to choose between being right and being loving, always be loving.
God is more than life can ever give, and more than death can ever take away.
And in closing, I told the men…
Having your attention when I hold the microphone, hearing your stories as you come up to me after each session, and feeling your prayers and encouragement... it all truly changes and impacts my life. For by sharing and affecting you men, it gives my life, my wounds, my power and even my leukemia meaning. Because for me, when my life is all said and done, I want my life to matter, I want to know I have made a difference… I want to go home one day and know I brought glory to the Father and His son.
Each year I invite dozens of men, and usually only 3 or 4 attend, but I will keep asking, keep offering and keep reminding each man that it is a lifelong invitation to The Heart of a Warrior Encounter. To be honest, it is a miracle that any man is able to attend and pull away from our busy lives of work, family and schedules. Every year the men are asked why they are there, what their hopes are in attending, what moved their heart to come. Now, when I was asked in a panel the first night, “Why are you here?” I smiled and said,
“Because like a raffle giving away a luxury car, one of the qualifications is that you must be present to win.”
Everybody laughed and nodded, they all knew what I meant.
The Lord meets every man that makes the yeoman’s effort to attend, get away, unplug and intentionally seek to spend time internalizing the orienting questions Zoweh so often asks:
Who are You, Where are You, and what is the Good that God is up to in your Life?
I have also said from the podium that I am here because I am here, jokingly referring to my leukemia, and in my final remarks I add and I will be here until I am not. And that is the truth, as long as I am alive and able, my wife and family know that The Heart of a Warrior weekend is very important for my heart, even if it means I have to miss some of the NCAA basketball tournament, or the masters, or worse, one of my kid’s events, God has a way of making this weekend a gift uniquely special for me, while simultaneously partnering with me for all the men that are going through the challenges of Life outside the Garden. It is a special, sanctified and holy experience, and for another year, I am grateful I was able to make it.
Maybe my most favorite moment is when, upon arriving home after a hard fought weekend, my precious wife welcomes me home with open arms and tells me she loves when I go because I come home a better man; a much more loving, patient, kind and caring husband and father. I smile because I know exactly what she means. This is the kind of man that I truly am and who I aspire to be, and that is about the most powerful endorsement a man can get. Can God really change a man’s heart over one weekend? I know 300 men ready to answer that question. Their answer is the same as mine.
Amen and AMEN.