Recently I was having breakfast with a friend at my favorite diner. We had a wonderful conversation about our families and how much we enjoy being dads. My friend was sharing how much he appreciated my book, THE QB MENTOR, and he commented on some of the amazing things that my son, Shawn, one of the two main characters in the book, had accomplished on the football field in high school. I smiled with pride and agreed that Shawn was indeed “must see TV’ as a high school football player. We talked about how Shawn was doing now and how he was ahead of schedule in rehab and recovery from his third ACL reconstruction. I told him how my boy was back in the game and expected to compete to become the starting quarterback at his dream school of Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tennessee.
I mentioned that Shawn had been written off by the media and in some circles of the football program because it is very unlikely for anyone to come back and play, let alone at a high level, after 3 knee surgeries. However, this is Shawn’s dream and something he has committed his life to. My friend asked me how he keeps motivated and inspired, and the answer that came out of my mouth surprised me: “We teach our children to always write the fairy tale first.” He looked at me sideways, so I explained.
Whenever something happens in life, we have a choice; we can look at it negatively and focus on what didn’t go right. We can dwell on everything that went wrong and how bad the conditions are, or we can look at the situation and write the fairy tale first. Sometimes I think we limit our possibilities because we don’t give our wildest dreams a chance to sprout. We limit ourselves because we have been conditioned to think too small.
A famous quote by poet Marianne Williamson comes to mind:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
I believe those words. I have found them to be true as I aspire to live this way and surround myself with like-minded dreamers. Russell Wilson said about the Seahawks Super Bowl season, “Why not us?” It’s the same principal. Why not the fairy tale?
I realize that disappointment and failure are huge aspects in the equation. But I would rather have gotten my hopes up and dreamed big than to go through life expecting mediocre.
I learned this as a Denver Broncos quarterback. The team was in the weight room and it was max lift day, the day when every player has the opportunity to see how much they could lift one time. Several months of training lead up to this day and the testosterone in the room is palpable. It was my turn on the squat and my goal was 325 pounds. I stepped up to the rack, put the bar on my back, stepped away and began to bend my knees. The room was electric as my teammates cheered me on, everyone knowing this was my target weight. I squatted the weight, pushed back up successfully and slammed the bar back onto the rack. The weight room roared in approval and everyone slapped me high fives as I had accomplished my goal on the very first try. It was an exciting moment for me. Ten minutes later, the strength coach put 10 more pounds on the bar and it was my turn again to try more weight. I expected to easily squat this weight as I had handled 325 pounds effortlessly just moments before. I stepped up to the rack, put the bar on my back again, stepped away and began to squat. Half way down, the weight crushed me and the spotters had to grab the bar and put it back on the rack. I stepped away and turned around to find my strength coach with a very stern look on his face. “Stankavage, my office, now.”
I followed him there, feeling rather full of myself because I had already achieved my goal for my max squat. But Coach wasn’t so celebratory and lit into me instead. “Son, I never want to see that happen to you again.” I thought, “What? Failing to squat 335?” He continued, “You set your goal too low, and once you got your goal, there isn’t anything left to go further. Don’t ever let that happen to you in life again. Do you understand me?” I said ‘yes sir’ and we left his office.
This stuck with me for the rest of my life. I guess that is partly where I learned to write the fairy tale first. Through this, I have come to experientially understand that there is no story too big for the Lord to write, no situation too dire and no mountain too large for Him to partner with us to overcome.
So for me, in my life and with my children, friends, and family, we choose to write the fairy tale first and then go about living with everything we have to make it come true. And as I step back to reflect on this blog entry, I can see all the fairy tales that have come true for me; from my loving wife and our home to the seven wonderful children I have had, to my wonderful parents and siblings, and to both my football and real estate careers. Writing the fairy tale first has served me well, and I would argue that I am actually living proof of this mantra’s effects because every month that I am still here makes my fairy tale an even better story. A cure for leukemia is the fairy tale I am praying for now, and I am not listening to anyone who thinks it won’t come true.
What is your fairy tale? Dream big, make a list and be sure you put it out there for the Lord to see and hear. He loves to make them come true.
Amen and amen.